Death and Grief – Feeling What You Are is Okay - Suyash Karangutkar

Timely or untimely, death is one of the most challenging experiences of human living.

A death may make us feel uncertain. It may feel as though the train of our life was moving on a track – the one that we were familiar with – and then like a bolt from the blue changed the track. Sometimes at the snap of a finger, sometimes slowly. That change

may feel uncomfortable, nonetheless.

A death may make you feel hollow. It may leave behind a trail of questions almost as though a flight that took off left behind a trail of turbulence. We may want to find answers to them all and know better. We may want a closure. The search for answers could be daunting. Even though we may be dedicated to finding them, or even a clue that could lead us to them, we may sometimes not be certain of having found The Answer. It may even feel unjust, and unfair. Sometimes questions may double up, and sometimes the answers we arrive at may lead to more questions. It may feel like never-ending suffering.

Death may feel hard – absolutely hard. Especially having the realization that the person who was a part of our life no longer is. The realization feels tough to live with. It feels unfamiliar. It is a tough process between longing and acceptance.

Death may feel scary – we may often wonder “What now?” “How now?” It may feel numbing. So painful it could be that we may be worried about coping up with the loss or ever recovering from it.

It may feel like a struggle between wanting to not be seen yet wanting to be seen and held by others.

It all makes sense – your anger, sadness, doom, loneliness or more. What comes up, what you feel is not only okay but also understandable.

Sometimes our emotions may stay. At times, they may come and go in phases, like waves that approach the shore and then go back into the ocean. It may feel like a rainy day with thunderbolts in the sky. It may feel like an unexpected shower on a bright summer day. It may feel like a storm that shakes everything up when it arrives and leaves behind things to take care off once it passes.

Death brings along with it one of the most difficult pains known to mankind.

You are okay to be feeling what you are feeling.

Allow yourself to be.

Allow yourself to be seen.

Allow yourself to be heard, helped and held.

You are okay when you are sad or angry. You are okay even when nothing makes sense to you anymore. These are emotions that come along with the process of grief. Experiencing them does not make you anything but a human being.

Your pain may not go away, but suffering can reduce over time and with time. There is hope, even though it may seem difficult to see or find. Allow yourself your healing space.